More Validation Of Elaine S. Dalton's "Guardians Of Virtue" Speech; The Story Of Alleged Rape Victim Tucker Reed, Who Reported Her Rape 22 Months After The Fact

During the 2011 General Young Women Meeting of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, the then-General President of Young Women, Elaine S. Dalton, delivered a talk entitled "Guardians Of Virtue", in which she counseled young women to avoid the type of behavior that would encourage sexual objectification. But some Mormon feminists complained that it was a "terrible metaphor", and that she was trying to minimize and excuse male misbehavior, and shift too much of the burden for encouraging virtuous behavior on the part of men towards women. Basically, Sister Dalton was telling the young woman that if they don't want to be treated like whores, don't dress and act like whores in public. Good preventive medicine.

And I've found a superb example illustrating the wisdom of Sister Dalton's counsel. Tucker Reed is not an LDS member, but her story epitomizes why women need to avoid communicating ambiguously about their intentions towards physical intimacy, and why they must report rape and other forms of sexual abuse PROMPTLY. Tucker Reed is the subject of a libel lawsuit by an individual she's accused of raping her. When the system did not take her claims seriously, Reed decided to name her alleged assailant and discuss her experiences publicly, which triggered the suit. She discusses her experiences and the reaction on several posts published on her personal blog, Covered In Bandaids. The only media account I could find was on the MS Blog.

Summary: Tucker Reed also outlined her experiences on XOJane. Her story begins on December 3rd, 2010, when she and her boyfriend attended a holiday party hosted by fellow students at the University of Southern California. They had just begun dating two weeks prior, and she was a virgin at the time because she believed that the intimacy of intercourse was an emotional and spiritual act that should not be casually shared. In any event, Reed took her boyfriend back to her apartment and allows him to take her clothes off. She then led him into the bedroom. Naturally, her boyfriend believed that she wanted to have intercourse. But surprise, surprise -- she suddenly throws up a STOP sign and said that she wasn't ready to go all the way, and that having sex so soon would ruin the relationship. But the boyfriend persisted, and pressured her into yielding.

Reed initially decided to write it off as a misunderstanding. She even continued to date the guy, because he said he was in love with her and eventually wanted to marry her. But she had lingering misgivings, and when she disclosed the experience to her best friend a year later, her friend told her in no uncertain terms that she was a rape victim. Armed with that counsel, Reed then sought counseling at the USC Health Center, but this didn't pan out, and so she decided to confront her boyfriend directly over the December 2010 encounter. Her boyfriend initially claimed he couldn't remember anything about that night, undoubtedly using the alcohol excuse, then said something remarkably insensitive. She quotes him as saying "What did you expect? A bed covered in rose petals? Nobody gets that. I didn't get that. I wanted to fuck, I needed to fuck, so I fucked. And, whatever, I guess I'm just the asshole who raped you".

Obviously, this guy is a world-class asshole. After suffering from psychological problems, Tucker Reed decided to take her quest for justice one step further. In October 2012, after her friend made a passing comment that she should have recorded the conversation she'd had with her now ex-boyfriend when he confessed to the rape, Reed arranged to make a recording and induce her ex-boyfriend into confessing to forcing her to have sex with him, which he did multiple times. She then provided those recordings to the police in November 2012 and to the university in December 2012. She also wanted the university to expel her ex-boyfriend from school, even before he had been tried and convicted. However, USC staffers argued that to do that would be punitive at that point, asserting that the school's adjudication process is meant to be rehabilitative and educative. The ex-boyfriend told university officials that the encounter was consensual, and that she tricked him into providing false confessions, insisting that he confessed to a crime he did not commit only because he thought she would not leave him alone until he had done so.

Because Tucker Reed believed that police and the university were blowing her off, she decided to publicly shame the alleged rapist. After receiving affirmative advice from two attorneys, Reed posted the man's name online, along with an account of what he did. And now she's on the receiving end of a libel suit. In response to comments posted to her account on XOJane, Tucker Reed has posted a specific reply on Covered In Bandaids which addresses the major questions posed after she publicized her story; it's worth reading and it seems intellectually honest. But here are three reasons why she might lose the lawsuit:

(1). She got naked and led the guy into the bedroom. Obviously, a woman has the right to say No at any time; I was always taught this by the LDS Church. But in today's sexualized culture, if a woman gets naked and leads you into a bedroom, it's considered to be consent by most guys.

(2). She failed to report it promptly. If you have a nonconsensual sexual experience, you do NOT wait 22 months to report it to the authorities; you do so promptly. It might be excusable for a 12-year-old girl who has no experience with the world to be afraid to report rape, but it is not excusable for a grown woman to be afraid to report it. Furthermore, a person who's been raped should never allow a religious leader to talk him or her out of going to the police, and should never feel guilty about having been raped.

(3). She continued to date her assailant. This alone will probably kill her case. Why would a rational woman continue to date someone she considered a rapist? It's not as if she was being held hostage like Elizabeth Smart.

The harsh truth is that if this libel suit actually makes it to a jury trial, the jury is likely to rule in favor of the man. Read the reaction on this discussion thread on the relatively-uncensored F2 Anonboard where people say what they're really thinking (WARNING: There are some bad words on the thread); many of the posters characterize Tucker Reed as a slut who has "buyer's remorse". This is sad, but it represents the current reality.

This is exactly why Elaine Dalton counseled young women to be "guardians of virtue". Above all, they must be guardians of their own virtue, becoming savvy enough to avoid sending ambiguous messages about their sexual availability and getting themselves into these types of situations. Since God's law is not in force on earth, many guys think that if a woman makes it "hard" for them, she has the obligation to make it "soft" for them. Some Muslim countries understand this and require women to dress modestly in public; their premise is that a woman should avoid tempting a man beyond his ability to bear it. This is also why LDS leaders enforce modest dress standards at church services and church-related social events. Elaine Dalton's prevention message helps young women deal with the culture the way it is, and not the way feminist wish it could be. Learn from Tucker Reed's unfortunate experience -- and don't repeat her mistakes.

Mormon Feminists Declare Sunday December 16th, 2012 To Be "Wear Pants To Church Day"; Male Sympathizers Encouraged To Wear A Purple Article Of Clothing

A group of feminists belonging to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have declared Sunday December 16th, 2012 to be "Wear Pants To Church Day", and the campaign has attracted mainstream media attention, with the Salt Lake Tribune, the San Jose Mercury, and KSL Channel 5 picking up the story. Jezebel reports considerable opposition.

The campaign has been publicized on this Facebook page (updated link), and it's a reaction against unofficial counsel given in the past by some bishops and stake presidents urging Mormon women to wear skirts and dresses to church in order to appear more explicitly feminine. The reason Latter-day Saints are urged to dress in Sunday best for services traces back to the Old Testament counsel given to the Israelites to bring their first fruits and the best of their flocks to the Temple for sacrifice; the idea is that since church is the Lord's house, we should dress up in our best for the Lord, but without getting lifted up in the pride of our hearts unto the wearing of costly apparel for status reasons like the ancient Nephites did. As is the case in a church operated by imperfect human beings, sometimes leaders get carried away with the letter of the law and forget about the spirit of the law. Here's a screenshot of the Facebook announcement (click image to enlarge):

You can see that this campaign has picked up considerable support, with 1,102 people declaring their intent to participate as of this post. Note that this is NOT A PLOY to campaign for extension of the Priesthood to women; they do not seek to eradicate the differences between women and men, but simply want to emphasize more of the similarities. The Gospel was meant to uplift all that it touches; bond and free, small and great, Jew and Gentile, male and female, etc. The Mercury reports that men who want to show solidarity are encouraged to wear a purple shirt, tie, socks, or ribbon, purple being a color historically associated with the suffrage movement. Since men normally wear pants, this is way deemed most appropriate for them to show solidarity.

LDS spokesman Scott Trotter reacted, stating "Attending church is about worship and learning to be followers of Jesus Christ. Generally church members are encouraged to wear their best clothing as a sign of respect for the Savior, but we don’t counsel people beyond that." Institutionally, this is a true statement, but apparently many women have encountered bishops who substitute personal bias for Church doctrine. Bishops who engage in this type of behavior blur the line between priesthood and priestcraft.

Mormon Girl's Modesty Club Campaign At South Pasadena High School In California Goes Viral: The Story Of Saige Hatch

A high-school freshman who was tired of seeing her classmates dress like tarts at school each day has started a Modesty Club in a bid to teach her peers a lesson, and it's now gone viral, reaching the pages of the Daily Mail. The courageous crusader is 15-year-old Saige Hatch (screenshot at left), who felt overwhelmed by the crop tops, exposed cleavage and unnervingly short shorts at South Pasadena High School in California, and is now crusading for a more traditional dress code. She told ABCNews "From elementary to middle school, and then to high school, I noticed immodesty. I really wanted to start a club to bring awareness to it and bring remembrance to what modesty is".

Saige defines immodesty is showing cleavage, stomach or shoulders, as well as shorts, dresses, and skirts that are too short or too tight. The existing dress code is liberal enough as it is, requiring students to only cover the range of skin from armpit to The Bottom Line, which is further defined as at least "a hand's width below the bottom of the buttocks", but Saige says that's not even being enforced. Her Modesty Club currently has 17 members, but her website, ModestyClub.com, reaches a wider audience, with more than 1,000 members from the United States and 14 other countries. And while it may appear she's preoccupied with female dress standards, she appeals to boys to help out. One way boys can help out is to respectfully decline dates with girls who dress too provocatively.

Saige also employs feminist arguments to persuade more people. On the home page of ModestyClub.com, she writes "...Our bright heroic women are being made the fool. A fool to think that to be loved they must be naked. To be noticed they must be sexualized. To be admired they must be objectified". Smart move, because some feminist Mormons have expressed concern about these modesty campaigns being disproportionately focused upon women. Any feminist woman who is truly concerned about women being overly sexualized and objectified should support modesty campaigns.

In the Los Angeles Times version of the story, it was revealed that Saige Hatch is the daughter of Brent Hatch, further identified as a cousin of Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-Utah), who is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It was also revealed that one of her siblings, McKay Hatch, made national headlines and appeared on The Tonight Show after founding a No Cussing Club at the same school in 2008, which subsequently led to a California resolution establishing Cuss Free Week in 2010. Since neither the Daily Mail nor the Times mentioned their religious affiliation, I immediately did some Googling to find out if they are Mormon. And sure enough, the San Gabriel Valley Tribune reported on September 19th, 2012 that McKay Hatch is now serving a mission in Salt Lake City and talks about Saige attending church. This LDS Church News article also confirms that the family is Mormon. There's your answer.

Saige's campaign has attracted variable reaction. While she receives considerable support, her father's van was egged and vandalized with graffiti, and some people called their house making threats. But South Pasadena Mayor Michael Cacciotti paid tribute to Saige's efforts by proclaiming December 3-7 as "Modesty Week" in South Pasadena. And Saige is just getting started; in the long term, she plans to put together an online petition to members of the film and magazine industries for more modest attire, and to write to clothing designers to urge them to make more modest clothing for women. In the short term, she wants to arrange a vote in school to either enforce the existing dress code or switch to uniforms.

Primary Sharing Time: One Would Think Feminist Mormon Women Would Be More Supportive Of LDS Modesty Standards For Kids

Is this modest?

On the Post Partum Progression blog, Jewelboxcreek discusses her proposal to discuss modesty during a Sharing Time segment in Primary. The Sharing Time theme for the month of June is "I Choose the Right by Living Gospel Principles", and on Week Four, the specific presentation is "When I dress modestly, I respect my body as a gift from God".

To the basic lesson, Jewelboxcreek proposed some additions. First, she created a story to explain the origin of the modesty standard. She traces it all the way back to Adam and Eve, and notes that the clothing supplied to them by the Lord had sleeves, shirts and that the pants/skirts go to their knees -- or, at least that's the way it is in the representations of them.

Second, Jewelboxcreek proposed to play a game with the Primary class entitled "Modest or Immodest". She would hold up various pictures of kids dressed in various ways, and ask the class to make their best guess. She presents a number of examples in her post. I'll admit that I do not agree with all of her characterizations of immodesty; I don't find the picture of Peter Pan to be immodest. But Jewelboxcreek's heart is in the right place, and maybe a bit of overkill won't hurt.

One would think that Mormon feminists would be amongst her most ardent supporters. After all, feminists constantly chide men for sexually objectivizing women and minimizing their other characteristics. Yes, in some respects, feminists have played a useful role in getting men to take women more seriously. But in a post on Feminist Mormon Housewives entitled "An Open Response Re: Modesty Lessons For Children", Rune expresses some serious misgivings about Jewelboxcreek's method and unintended messages. Like other extremists, feminists are frequently plumbing for "hidden" and "unintended" messages; they often assume the worst about the greater society and project their bad experiences upon everyone else. Here are three interesting points that Rune brings out:

"Teaching concepts of clothing modesty to very young children is problematic for quite a few reasons, especially when our own cultural discourse on modesty is so heavily skewed to mean coverage in order to obscure sexual characteristics and prevent others from viewing us sexually..."

But I thought the objective of feminists was to convince men to view women LESS sexually and pay more attention to other attributes. Which is it -- make up your mind.

"There is a lot of danger in putting pressure and responsibility on children to keep from being inadvertently sexual".

There is also a lot of danger of pedophiles exploiting kids who are inadvertently sexual. The pedophile doesn't really care whether or not it's inadvertent.

"There are lots of ways to teach a child to truly love and respect their bodies without inadvertently giving the impression that parts of it are bad, and need to be hidden away".

I agree with this in part; we shouldn't teach kids that their sacred parts are "naughty bits". But they do need to be "hidden away" so that they don't become the central issue. After all, I always thought that feminists opposed a woman's sexuality being viewed as the central issue.

A comment appended to the post also deserves to be addressed. Type A wrote, in part, "...My (almost) 7 year old was getting dressed on Monday and told me that if you wear a tank top you’re not allowed to go to church. I’m so sad that was the message SHE got, whether or not it was intended. I of course, corrected her and told her that she could wear any clothing that she feels comfortable in and that her father and I feel is appropriate for church". A seven-year-old is old enough to be asked to dress in more traditional worship clothing for church. Although a tank top may be O.K. for a Monday, is would not be appropriate for Sunday services. When we attend church to worship the Lord, we owe Him the best we have. It doesn't have to be a Brooks Brothers suit -- it can be a cheap Mr. Mac missionary suit. But whatever your wardrobe contains, wear the best you have for Sunday services. This is in the tradition of the ancient Israelites, who, when they brought an animal to the priests for sacrifice, brought the best of their herds -- without blemish.

Modesty can also be attractive for adults as well.

There's also another reason why we need to maintain and enforce high standards of modesty for our kids. The media-driven campaign to sexualize our youth is unprecedented. Remember Miley Cyrus? She made a rather abrupt transition from Hannah Montana to a half-dressed pole-dancing pop tart after the manner of Lady Gaga, Christine Aguilera, Rihanna, and Britney Spears. We need to continue offering a clear-cut alternative to those poor role models.

But Jewelboxcreek got a very effective last word at her blog, writing "To the New Order Mormons: the wheat and tares are bundled together for a short season prior to the separation. Enjoy our company while you can". I strongly suspect the father of JonBenet Ramsey might be more sympathetic with Jewelboxcreek than with Feminist Mormon Housewives.

BYU Student Brittany Molina Gets The Last Laugh, Lands Modeling Job At Chris And Kate's

Remember BYU student Brittany Molina, who got a mash note from a male student on February 14th telling her that her skirt was too short despite the fact she was wearing leggings underneath? Well, it looks like she got the last laugh. She's landed an endorsement and modeling job with Chris and Kate's, a Utah-based clothing company that specializes in modest attire. KSL news video embedded below:

BYU student chided for outfit becomes model for modest clothing company | ksl.com

According to her Twitter site, Brittany was extended the offer on February 19th. Brittany says she still doesn't know who gave her the note, and doesn't seem too particularly interested in finding out. Apparently the Honor Code office has not gotten involved, because she maintains a highly positive attitude towards both BYU and the LDS Church as evidenced by a post on her blog. She writes the following:

When I was being interviewed I really didn't know what to say but to be very careful in my wording because I truly love BYU, and I think the Honor Code is here to protect us and help us be better people. but like I said earlier, the honor code is to help us be modest. not be self-righteous and judgmental. I LOVE the LDS faith. (I served a mini mission and during high school I invited all of my friends over for discussions.) So I didnt want the news people to cut me in a way that was unfavorable towards the church or BYU. But, after thinking about it. I really wish I would have shared more of my thoughts (to the people of the LDS faith, not for the whole world...) about how men like this really aren't approaching the situation in the right way.

More perspective on the guy who gave the note to Brittany is presented on By Common Consent, in the form of this comment:

BYU Student Says: February 16, 2012 at 2:04 pm
I know the guy who wrote the note. We were roommates last year. I would recognize that handwriting anywhere, and I know that he studies in the Tanner Building where this girl was studying, according to the original post on Facebook.

He’s an idiot. He also doesn’t believe women should have the right to vote. (If they’re doing as the Lord commands and staying home, and if they’re doing what the Lord commands and being of one heart and one mind with their husband [who incidentally belongs to the Constitution Party], then there’s no need for them to vote because their husband can handle the affairs outside the home. It’s the system God ordained, don’t you argue with me you follower of Satan, you!)

The best part is that he probably made some sort of lewd remark about the girl (either to himself or to a friend), then wrote the note anonymously and gave it to her, without any idea of the hypocrisy of it all. And he probably felt super righteous for doing it, too, and anybody who questions his methods or motives is simply questioning God. After all, the Honor Code was written by God.

Goodness I hated living with him.

(He once took our dishes — every last one of them — and took them to his parents’ house in Lehi. He left a passive aggressive not saying that if we weren’t responsible enough to wash them, we weren’t responsible enough to have them.)

Oh, and his number one complaint about BYU and life in general is that women won’t go out with him. I wonder why.

The story continues to spark debate, although most people are supportive of Brittany. The BYU Student Review has picked up the story, and a sampling of some of the 107 comments posted to the KSL story are presented below:

Bitsko3 posted 1 day ago:
LOL! I love it!

She was wearing thick winter leggings. Totally opaque. She was covered from neck to toes and all the way to her wrists. Short of a burqa she could not possibly have been more covered up.

Whoever wrote her that note has some very serious issues. Especially worrisome is the fact that he was concerned that the sight of her bare hands and face was dangerous to his moral purity. In other words, he was concerned that the mere presence of a female, with any part of her anatomy visible to his eye, could cause him to lose control of himself.

Sounds like a budding rapist to me.

green_eggs posted 14 hours ago:
This article provides a great opportunity to discuss leggings or any other form fitting clothing. Wearing leggings (even opaque) does not provide excuse to wear skirts or shorts that are cut shorter than what you'd normally wear. I've noticed women who believe that leggings give allowance to wear even only a long shirt with no dress. This is NOT modest.

This girl's outfit is no where near a burqa. I'm not saying that burqas are right or wrong, but they are not form fitting. Form fitting clothing "leaves little to the imagination".

Would this girl truly have worn the exact same dress on campus if she wasn't wearing the leggings?

BYU Student Brittany Molina "Counselled" For Provocative Dress In Valentine's Day "Love Note"

Brittany Molina, with the "love note"

This story has become truly viral, having been picked up internationally by the Daily Mail. A coed at Brigham Young University in Provo received what she thought was a love note, but turned out to be a critique for excessively provocative attire.

On February 14th, Brittany Molina, a 21-year-old accounting student, was handed a note by an unidentified male student. Since it was Valentine's Day, she thought it was going to be a love note. Imagine her surprise and her initial anger when she read this:

"You may want to consider that what you're wearing has a negative effect on the men (and women) around you. Many people come to this university because they feel safe, morally as well as physically, here. They expect others to abide by the Honor Code that we all agreed on. Please consider your commitment to the Honor Code (which you agreed to) when dressing each day. Thank you."

Since it came from a peer rather than someone in authority, she was initially riled up, even though the Honor Code encourages students to bring violations to their peers' attention, so she posted the note with a photo of herself and the clothes she was wearing online. Within 24 hours, it went viral. Her Twitter site is publicly available, but you must be a Facebook member to view her Facebook page. KSL news video embedded below:

Student tweet sparks conversations about BYU's dress code | ksl.com

There has been no official reaction from the BYU Honor Code enforcement office. BYU's honor code states that women's dress is "inappropriate when it is sleeveless, strapless, backless, or revealing; has slits above the knee; or is form fitting. Dresses, skirts, and shorts must be knee-length or longer." The latter phrase is the bone of contention; as is evident in the photo posted above, Brittany's dress is above the knee, but she's wearing non-form fitting leggings beneath it. Because of the leggings, it would not have occurred to me that it might be an Honor Code violation, but a number of people believe the leggings don't matter; the length of the skirt alone still constitutes an Honor Code violation. The dress code was obviously written to discourage female students from wearing miniskirts, but leaves a grey area when shorter dresses are worn in concert with leggings. The male student apparently took Elaine Dalton's "Guardians Of Virtue" talk a bit too seriously.